The Bachelor: Episode 4 Recap

So here’s the thing. If you make it all the way to the end of this recap, there is a non-spoiler surprise waiting for you. Read on! I’m very excited about it.

Did you catch Sean & Catherine’s wedding last night? I loved it. And I don’t even like weddings. I didn’t even want to have my own wedding, I just wanted to elope and be married by Elvis in Vegas. Anyway, it was beautiful and all that and if you missed it, you missed out.

Cue Jeff Probst! Thirteen are left. Who will be voted out tonight?

I like that the episodes open with scenes of Juan Pablo and his little girl. Camila is easily my favourite girl on the show.

Chris Harrison comes in and tells the girls what’s happening this week: two group dates and an individual date. But that’s not all … they’re going to Seoul, South Korea.

Chelsie is excited. As is Clare, though she does not have a kimono. I like Andi. JP: “This week is going to be great.” The girls sure have a lot of luggage. But then, I guess they have three months’ worth of living in those suitcases, so I guess that makes sense. Obviously they haven’t read Heather Greenwood-Davis’s post about traveling for a whole year with just one carry-on. (I used that post last summer and packed for two weeks with just a carry-on and was quite proud of myself. It was also handy at customs.) Elise “cannot wait to experience this with him.” Andi wants the one-on-one date. So does Nikki: “All I do is see him in a group setting. I want to get to know him better.”

DATE CARD! Group date. Chelsie, Cassandra, Elise, Danielle, Kat, and Nikki. “Pop! -Juan Pablo.” Nikki: “This blows.”

Juan Pablo is excited about the group date. Too bad the girls aren’t. Are they going to hang out with Psy? Is that what the “Pop!” was referring to? Nikki doesn’t know how to handle herself, as she doesn’t have any sisters. Chelsie thinks he looks adorable. They go to YG Entertainment to meet with Korea’s biggest K-pop group, 21. Apparently they’re South Korea’s Spice Girls.

They’re having a dance-off. Kat is a professional dancer, so is right at home. Nikki is not a dancer, but is a good sport. It’s Chelsie’s childhood dream to be a back-up dancer. Kat: “I’m in the BACK? I’m the BEST dancer.” Nikki: “If there was a sign that said I’M THE BESTEST DANCER, I’m pretty sure she’d put it on her forehead.” Kat has a scary “inside face”.

21 comes in and says they have a huge show tonight and they’re inviting the girls to perform. Kat is SO EXCITED RIGHT NOW. Nikki: “This is my worst nightmare right now.”

The girls walk into the hair/makeup/dressing room. Cassandra: “I love dancing and I love performing.” Chelsie: “My childhood dream was to be Britney Spears’ backup dancer.” Nikki is terrified. The girls are dressed for the 90s, with a Korean twist. Elise: “I’m ready to rock out with K-pop!”

There are about a bazillion people in the theatre thing. Oh, sorry, five-story mall. They do their concert, the seven of them (six girls and Juan Pablo) dance their butts off. I wish I understood Korean.

Chelsie: “I think Kat was trying to steal the spotlight.” Nikki: “If Kat wants to be a back-up dancer for 21, I think she should stay here.” Juan Pablo is proud of the girls: “They did a fantastic job.” Chelsie is over the moon. Nikki is excited about doing something that doesn’t involve dancing. (I’m with ya, lady. That would have been my worst nightmare, too. Unless I had a crap-ton of liquid courage and did not see any video evidence of the night.)

Next up is an evening in a beautiful Korean garden. There’s a rose on the table. Kat wants the rose. She chats with Juan Pablo: “I do want you to know that I’m more than fun and games.” Nikki starts talking about her dislike of some of the other girls, about how they’re one way in front of the cameras and another when the cameras are gone. Kat is bragging about her accomplishments to JP. Then shares about her parents’ divorce when she was 6. Her father is an alcoholic with seven DUIs who lives with his parents and never paid child support. (That sucks a lot.) Kat: “I don’t like to be vulnerable.” She asks JP his greatest fear. JP: “Not being a good example for my daughter.”

Cassandra: “The cattiness is starting and it’s all Nikki.” Danielle: “Nikki is a negative person. … not a good role model for Camila.” Elise: “Nikki is the most negative person in the house.”

Elise and JP have a chat. She tells him it bothers her that some girls would not be a good role model for his daughter. JP: “I’m keeping my eyes very open.” He and Nikki go off to talk. Nikki: “I was a little out of my element for me. … It’s hard for me to open up.” She starts talking about “other people”. “I really want to be here.” JP asks how she feels about Camila. “I’d love to meet her. I love kids. … I’m a great diaper-changer.”

DATE CARD! It shows up at the hotel where the rest of the girls are. “Sharleen, are you my Seoul-mate? -Juan Pablo” Sharleen: “I know I’m interested, but I want to see what else is there.” Clare: “I don’t think Juan Pablo and Sharleen are right for each other.”

It’s group date rose time. All the girls want it, some think they “deserve” it. JP grabs the rose and asks Nikki to “talk to him for a second”. Elise: “There is no way I’d want Nikki around my child because of her negativity.” Kat is not happy either. Nikki is thrilled that she got the rose: “I think everybody hates me right now.”

Juan Pablo is in the shower. Because apparently we haven’t had enough ab shots yet. Sharleen is “so nervous about this date.” She’s so … she looks so miserable to be there. They visit a Korean market and get traditional dresses for Camila and Sharleen. And then they taste-test a bunch of dishes. I would so be terrified.

Back at the hotel the girls are wondering how the date is going. Chelsie: “I can’t figure out how they mesh.”

JP and Sharleen go to a traditional Korean tea house. JP wants to hear her sing. Sharleen calls him a smart-ass. “It makes you interesting and not bland.” And then she explains to him what “bland” means. She says how much he likes him. “He’s more fun than expected. I hope tonight continues on as today has.” They go into a courtyard and he requests to hear her sing. She calls him a brat. “I never sing for a guy this early.” JP: “I’ll close my eyes and not look. Just pretend I’m not here.” She warms up for a bit and then belts it out. JP: “You’re good. You’re good.” Sharleen: “I have opened up way more than I thought I would.” And then they make out. It doesn’t seem awkward this time. Sharleen: “Juan Pablo is a good kisser. I like him, I really do. I think there is a shot we could fall in love.”

They sit down at an outside tea table. JP: “Sharleen and I have so much in common. I don’t think she understands how much she is just like me.” She talks about how it was for her first six months in Germany. She cried a lot. (Completely understandable. I’d cry, too.) She asks him what he misses about Venezuela. He came for university, speaking no English. His dad left him there and he cried like a baby. Sharleen: “I feel like we’re on the same wavelength.” “I feel like you get me.” Juan Pablo then asks her how many kids she wants. He wants two or three more.

Back at the hotel the girl talk about what they think JP wants in a lady. Renee: “I see Sharleen being very proper and formal. I’d be surprised if she didn’t go home.”

JP: “It’s not easy being with someone who has a kid.” She doesn’t answer the kid question. JP asks again. Sharleen: “Kids for me is something that I never even thought about. I’ve been so career focused.” You know, I’m with her on this one. Not that I was career focused, but growing up I didn’t dream of a husband and kids. I honestly didn’t think past the next kick-the-can game. The first time I actually considered kids was when my doctor confirmed to 17-year-old me that I was pregnant. Sharleen has dated someone with a kid before. It didn’t go well. She was jealous that she wouldn’t share that first with him. Kudos to her for being honest.

Juan Pablo picks up the rose and tells her what he likes about her. BUT. He appreciates her honesty. And then offers her the rose. She accepts. JP: “I feel fantastic about Sharleen. … If she takes the time off from her career to be here it means she wants to have a family.” I’m warming up to her.

The rest of the girls are ready for the second group date. The card read, “Let’s get crazy.” On this date: Andi, Renee, Kelly, Alli, Clare, and Lauren. “There’s six girls, it’s bound to get competitive.” They meet JP by a market. Renee: “He always looks so handsome.” They show up to a house-looking place … karaoke. Andi groans. She was hoping to avoid anything singing- or dancing-related. Kelly: “I am a terrible singer but karaoke is so much fun.” Lauren: “We are having an awesome time.” Next they wandered the streets and picked up some fresh lemonade. They pile into a photo booth. And then into pedal boats. Clare feels like she’s faded into the background since their one-on-one date.

Next they walk into a … place with fish. Apparently it’s a fish pedicure. Freaking terrifying. COUNT ME OUT, oh my word. The fish are swarming Renee’s feet. JP is impressed that the girls are such good sports. Clare is watching each girl as she talks to JP. Andi: “Clare is a little territorial.” Clare kicks Renee out of Renee’s spot and takes a place beside JP.

They go back outside and Clare says something like, “Please tell me we’re not eating octopus.” Except that’s exactly what they’re doing. Tiny pieces of octopus on toothpicks. Kelly: “Clare is the most dramatic person I have ever seen. … Girl, I know you’ve swallowed bigger things than that.” JP shoves the octopus in Clare’s mouth. She gags, but swallows it. I’m guessing she’s gonna get the group date rose.

South Korea at night is beautiful. They show up to a place with outdoor couches and candles. They toast to the night. Juan Pablo calls Renee and takes her away for some alone time. She’s one of my favourites. Not specifically for Juan Pablo, but just in general. She’s a solid individual. She says the hardest part is being away from Ben, her 8-year-old son. “I have wanted to kiss Juan Pablo for a long time.” She asks how Camila would feel if she saw her kiss him. JP: “I’ve kissed six girls already and I don’t want her to see her dad kissing twenty girls.” Uh, dude. There are only thirteen left. So even if, say, you’ve only kissed the girls that are gone, the highest you can go is nineteen. JP to Renee: “I’m not in a hurry.” To the camera: “I’m gonna try not to kiss anyone tonight.” Oh, that is so not going to go over well. Clare is all happy that she had the first kiss of the season. Kelly: “Clare thinks that he belongs to her.” JP and Andi are chatting. Andi: “I feel like now is the time to dig a little deeper.” She asks him his hobbies. He says she’s a horrible dancer. She says he’s not very good either. They laugh. He likes to watch soccer in bed on weekend mornings. She looks like she wants to kiss him. JP: “I promised myself I wouldn’t.” He’s such a tease. JP: “Ay yiy yiy.”

The other group date girls wonder how he’s going to choose who gets the group date rose, and list the girls who have kissed him so far: “Chelsie, Cassandra, Sharleen, Nikki, Andi, Clare.” Clare asks the others if they’re going to kiss him tonight. Lauren and JP dance. He stops her from kissing him. “I have a daughter, I don’t want her to see.” She’s understandably disappointed, and cries to the camera.

The other girls are wondering why Lauren is crying. Juan Pablo consoles her. JP: “Obviously, when you’re in this situation, and girls cry, she, I just felt horrible.” Kelly: “That is a sad hug.” Andi goes to talk to her. Lauren is feeling horrible for herself. Andi: “You do realize that relationships can start out as friends.” Kelly asks Clare if she’s going to try to kiss him. Clare: “I’m not going to try to kiss him.” Kelly: “Clare is very, very obsessive, obviously.” Andi and Kelly are talking about how Clare is insecure. They role-play with Andi as JP and Kelly as Clare, with the octopus. Kelly, laughing: “You’re the worst Juan Pablo ever.”

Clare and JP are talking about the octopus. Clare: “I threw up in my mouth.” Juan Pablo tells her that he likes her no-kissing policy she gave him on their second date (I don’t remember that)(It must not have been shown). Clare: “But I didn’t say for how long.” JP: “I know I said I wasn’t going to kiss anybody, but she is hot. She is sexy. I’m helpless. I don’t know what to do.” Yea, they kiss. Nobody tell Renee. Or Lauren. JP: “It just feels right. It feels very right right now.” Clare: “We picked up right where we left off. I would love to fall in love with Juan Pablo.”

JP picks up the group date rose. “It was a great night.” He gives the rose to Andi. If looks could kill, Clare would have just killed Andi.

Cocktail party time. The girls walk into a gorgeous … building. It feels like an insult to call it a “building”. JP walks in and plops himself in the middle and then calls Kelly away. Ten girls are still rose-less. Andi: “If you have a rose, other girls get a priority tonight.” The three with roses agree to this.

Clare to JP: “Being here is more than I ever expected in my life.” She says how happy she was in Sacramento, but “stepping out of my comfort zone has been so worth it.” Nikki walks off to interrupt. “I’m here for Juan Pablo, so there’s times when you do have to be a little selfish.” Um, Courtney? Is that you? Hey, Nikki, you’re my pick to win. Don’t ruin it. I liked you till about three seconds ago. Clare: “Nikki just buzz-killed it for me. Just ’cause I’m kind doesn’t mean I’m gonna let people walk all over me.” Nikki tells JP that he makes her nervous. She says that when he looks in her eyes he can see her secrets. Sharleen wonders if JP sees through Nikki. JP: “It’s good you guys are a good group. I have no complaints.” He mentions something about the house. Nikki: “I think things in the house are fine.”

Nikki isn’t happy that he said something about problems in the house and blames Clare, as she was with him last. She asks Kelly. Kelly calls Nikki crazy. (Hey, Nikki, didn’t you mention something about the house earlier? Maybe he’s just CHECKING IN. BEING A NICE GUY.) Clare sits down. Kelly: “I feel kind of awkward between you two.” Uh oh. Clare: “I think Nikki says that I said something about her but I’m not gonna waste my time with him on her.” Nikki thinks that if there’s drama, the girls should keep it to themselves. Clare: “I’m gonna be honest with you. I think that where it gets hard and sticky with everyone is that you’re one way with them and one way with Juan Pablo.” Nikki: “I think Clare is jealous of me and I’m sick of it! I’m not gonna walk on eggshells around her.” Clare: “If you’re like you are in the house around him, I don’t think that warrants a rose.” Nikki: “Well you’re not handing out the roses.” EXACLY, WOMAN.

Chris taps a spoon on his glass. JP to the camera: “People will have to fly back home 12 hours feeling rejected and that’s not fun.” JP to the girls: “Tonight is gonna be a very hard night for me.” Ok, I’m gonna guess Lauren and Kelly are going home. Unless he gives Lauren a sympathy rose. Ok, I have no idea. Clare: “I feel bad for the girls that didn’t get their time with Juan Pablo because Nikki took up all the time.”

Chris: “We are standing in the middle of an ancient royal palace in the Seoul, South Korea, but it is time for another rose ceremony. Sharleen, Nikki, Andi, nothing to worry about tonight. The rest of you, if you do not receive a rose, you’ll be on a plane on the way back to the United States tonight. So, if you’re ready, here’s Juan Pablo.”

JP: “You guys are amazing, all of you. I couldn’t ask for a better group. … At the end of the day, I’m hopeful one of you will be my wife.” Renee. (Yay!) Chelsie. (Boo.) Kelly. (Dang.)(Ok, so I like her, but I just don’t see it.)(And did Molly not make the trip to South Korea? Maybe Kelly was afraid Molly would be eaten.) Danielle. (I forgot about her. She hasn’t had much air time.) Cassandra. Allison. (She hasn’t had much air time, either.) Clare. (Nikki scoffs.) Final rose. Chris does his final-rose announcement. Kat.

Ok, so I was right on one of the girls. Lauren is going home. As is Elise. She leaves first. “I’m bummed. Super disappointed. … What could another girl have that I didn’t?” Cue the ugly cry. My dear, it’s about chemistry with JP, not how good of a person you are. Lauren: “I’m definitely heartbroken.” She feels bad again for the other night. I feel bad for her. “I made so many mistakes.” I hope someone hugged her and told her that there is life beyond this.

JP: “We’re gonna leave Seoul … we are going to Vietnam!” I have to say I never would have guessed that. Obviously it’s changed since the war.

NEXT WEEK! Drama, drama, drama. Credits! The credits are the best. Juan Pablo does some Korean lip-syncing. And he and the girls do some solo dancing.

NOW FOR THE EXCITING PART.

ProFlowers, the official floral partner of The Bachelor on ABC, asked me to let you know that they are hosting The Bachelor Facebook Sweepstakes! This is a chance to win a trip to L.A. for you and a friend to attend the “After the Final Rose” final episode this season.

It’s easy to enter, just “Like” the official ProFlowers.com Facebook page, click on the Sweepstakes tab, and complete the entry form for a single entry. For additional entries, share the provided link with your friends on Facebook or Twitter. You’ll receive an additional entry for each friend who also enters.

Also, I’m taking bribes for who will come with me when I win. Noah rolled his eyes at me when I mentioned this whole thing, but I would be OVER-THE-MOON EXCITED if I won and got to go. It would so make my year. And by year, I mean life. So go! Enter! Bring me if you win!