The Bachelor: Episode 9 recap (fantasy suite overnights)

Three are left. Who will be voted out tonight?

Saint Lucia! Gorgeous. First up is Juan Pablo and Clare. They’re on a boat! Clare has been going back and forth on whether or not she’ll accept Juan Pablo’s offer to spend the night with him, should he ask. Because of their “swimming” in the ocean thing in Korea, she’s apprehensive. Clare asks what JP thought of her family. He says positive things. She says her mom said she and Clare’s dad were engaged after three weeks. Her sister Laura kept saying something about it being a TV show.

Clare says that tonight will be the perfect time to tell JP that she is in love with him. They jump off the yacht into the ocean. Underwater shots are kind of creepy. Clare says again that she’s hesitant about the fantasy suite. For the record, I do not see her turning him down.

Preview! Drama between JP and Andi.

They’re at dinner at a candle-lit restaurant. There’s a couch, because of course there is. Juan Pablo likes the idea of the fantasy suite, because there’s no cameras. “We get to know each other better. A lot better.” You creeper. Clare thinks their day was “absolutely wonderful”. She wants to talk about his daughter. She asks if it’s weird that she wants to meet Carla (Camila’s mom). She wants to make sure everything’s all good, that Camila already has a mom and Clare only wants to add more love to the situation.

Fantasy suite card! JP hands it to Clare, who reads it. JP asks Clare how she feels about it. She sighs a big sigh, says she respects his feelings for his daughter and how she will see things. (Again, WHY IS A 4/5-YEAR-OLD WATCHING THIS SHOW?!) Clare “really wants to spend that time” with him. JP: “This is the only time we’re going to have to ourselves.” They decide to go to the fantasy suite. Surprise, surprise. Clare: “I’ve definitely fallen in love with Juan Pablo.” JP: “I love your dress.” They walk into the suite. Bow chicka wow wow. They toast to the night. JP: “I hope that when we wake up we know each other a lot more.” … “Clare, you’re so cute.” Oh, awkwardness. Clare hesitates for a bit … “I’m just loving falling in love with you.” … “I know that you don’t have to say anything back right now, but … You melted me.” “I don’t want to lose him, I don’t want to lose these feelings.” Oh, look. They’re back in some sort of water. Hot tub this time.

Coming up! Tears, tears, tears. Andi: “I wanna see any woman who, when a man says that to her, doesn’t want to slap him across the face.” This should be great!

JP: “My sleepover with Clare last night was great.” I’m sure it was. “Just talking and talking and talking.” I see what you’re saying, dude.

Andi walks up. I like her a lot. I hope she dumps his a$$. A band is playing those musical drum things. They let Andi and JP play them as well. They wander around in a market and sit down with a little local boy. He’s stinkin’ cute. He hands a 4-ish-year-old kid a full glass of juice. Yea, that kid’s gonna spill it. They play a pick-up game of soccer with some local kids. Afterwards they hop in a land buggy. They drive on the British side of the road there, apparently. They drive to Latille Falls. JP: “I’m glad you’re here, ya know?” Andi asks JP what her family talked to him about. JP recaps what we saw last night. They sit under a waterfall while Andi narrates how much she wants to spend her life with JP.

They walk up to another couch after having dinner. JP: “I wanna make sure that she’s not pushing herself.” He asks Andi about what she said in her hometown, that she really badly wanted to fall in love. He wants to know how she feels, because he doesn’t want to force things. She says that knowing he has a daughter makes it serious. She would never force it, because there is a child involved. She says she over-thinks the situation. As badly as she wants it, she doesn’t want to force it at all. JP: “My concern has been answered.” Andi likes that he brings up concerns that he has, because it means he was listening to her. JP: “This is my life and I don’t want to make a mistake. I don’t want to regret it later.” Andi asks him if he thinks about how she’d fit into his life. JP: “I think about it every day.” He lists all the things he’s thought about their future. He says he wants the overnight with her so they can talk about future things.

JP: “So, it’s time for us to decide what we’re gonna do next.” He hands Andi the fantasy suite card. “…Should you choose to forgo your individual rooms, please use this key to stay in the fantasy suite.” Andi says she definitely wants to “do this”. JP: “Yes, let’s get to know each other more.” Oh, JP and his foreplay. Andi: “I feel on cloud nine right now. I can’t stop smiling.” Just wait till morning, my dear. They walk into the room, sit on yet another couch, and toast to a night of “talking”. Of course they do. JP: “She is wife material. I think Andi could be the one. She could be my wife.” Camera pans out to the lights turning off.

Coming up! Andi: “I saw a side of him that I don’t really like.” I wonder why there have been no previews of Nikki’s overnight. Probably because it was dull and boring?

JP says how he and Andi laughed for hours. They had a great time. “I didn’t know it was gonna be this good. … I’m happy. I’m very happy.” Andi has a different view. “Waking up this morning I could not wait to get out of the fantasy suite.” She thought she was falling in love because of genuine feelings, but the fantasy suite turned into a nightmare. The whole night was a disaster. “I hope he did not think that went well. I hope he did not think that was a good date.” She always had concerns and was skeptical, and that’s what pushed her each week, but waking up, she realized that it was always about him. Everything was talking about him, he didn’t care about her. He always cut her off whenever she tried to talk. “The stories, the name-dropping …” and he mentioned something about his overnight with Clare. “Like, seriously? Are you kidding me? It was unbelievable and was so inappropriate to me. … I am aware of the situation, I don’t need him to bring it up when I didn’t even ask.” She doesn’t like that he has no filter. “It’s not funny, it’s not humorous, it’s not cute. You just don’t treat someone you care about like that. I want a guy who loves me more than he loves himself.” She’s disappointed that she’s just now figuring this out. I like this girl, and the fact that she can (finally) see right through him. “I know it’s not going to work.” Dump him, girl! “I know that I wouldn’t end up marrying him. I know that he’s not the one.”

JP: “I had no complaints with the other girls at all. … I saved my last overnight for Nikki because I like what we’re going to be doing today. A lot.” Yes, yes, WE KNOW. Sleeze-ball.

Nikki walks up in a lingerie-type top. Um. Yea, she’s perfect for him. JP: “Nikki is pretty. She’s very sexy. She’s a really good kisser, too.” She says something about being glad she brought pants (rather than shorts) because they’re riding horses. JP says something about him wishing she was wearing a thong. He’d ride behind her. Seriously, dude. Nikki: “I’m a strong person and I need someone to match that. … He’s a great person, and I think he would be a great person for me.” Nikki asks JP what he and her dad talked about. JP said something about that he won’t be 100% certain at the end when he proposes. You’re a real class act, Juan Pablo. They go swimming in the ocean. Real swimming, not Clare swimming. Nikki: “I hope I have some courage to tell him at dinner that I love him.” JP: “Can’t wait for tonight.” YEA, WE GET IT.

They’re on another couch after dinner and JP comments about how Nikki’s been thinking a lot that day. Nikki says something about the “wheels turning” and JP has no idea what that means. Nikki asks what JP was insinuating when he asked her multiple times, “Are you ready for this?” He says he just doesn’t want to be blindsided by someone who isn’t prepared, because of what has happened with some of the other girls. He hands Nikki the fantasy suite card. She says she’d love to spend the rest of the evening with him. JP: “We’re going to have some privacy, me and Nikki. FINALLY.” He says that Nikki could be a good partner for him for the rest of his life.

On the fantasy suite couch, Nikki tells Juan Pablo that she loves him. Then a lot of kissing happens. Nikki: “I want this night and this moment to last forever.”

Coming up: Andi confronts Juan Pablo. “There’s a difference between being honest and being an ass.” I think this might be the first time I’ve seen a girl leave with a GOOD RIDDANCE! attitude. That’s assuming she’s leaving him and not that he’s not giving her a rose.

JP is teary-eyed and says that this will be the hardest rose ceremony. “I don’t know what to do. Having three and not knowing what to do is horrible. I don’t want to make a mistake. I don’t want to send someone home that I will regret.” He has a chat with Chris Harrison (who should be the next bachelor). JP says he feels good about the women he has left. They talk about their different interpretations of the word “like”. He says for him it means he has strong feelings about someone. He has no idea what he’s going to do about his decision as to who is going home. Chris says adios and leaves JP to think over his decision. He says he can see himself with each one of them. He watches a video from each of the girls. Nikki starts, “Our night was the most romantic date of my life. … I can’t wait to see what the future holds for us.” Clare’s up next. “I felt the chemistry on our first date and it’s just developed since then. … I’ve absolutely fallen in love with you. I want to start our future from here forwards.” I’m curious now what Andi’s will say, as she hasn’t had anything positive to say in the previews. “I saw myself go from having a crush on you to have serious feelings for you.” She brings up the fantasy suite thing and says she wants to share her thoughts with him, but not on video. In person.

Andi: “It’s going to be difficult seeing Juan Pablo, but I’m completely sure of what I’m doing.” … “I woke up after the night in the fantasy suite knowing that we are not meant to be together.” She was extremely upset because she feels that JP doesn’t take it seriously. All he wanted to do was tell her it’s ok and give her a kiss. She just wants to get it off her chest, end it, pack up, and move on. JP: “I like Andi. I really like Andi.” He has no idea what she wants to talk about.

JP asks Andi what happened. She says she came there to find love. She had great times with him, she was giddy and excited and has never felt that way before. She then brings up the fantasy suite and has a lot of thoughts about it. The biggest thing she realized is that she is not in love with him and that she wasn’t going to be. It’s not going to work. “That’s a hard thing for me to realize after all this time.” JP says that it’s ok. Andi: “It’s not ok.” She lists the things she missed, and it’s not ok. It bothers her that he’s ok with it. JP: “If you don’t feel it, there’s nothing I can do. It’s your decision, it’s not my decision.” JP says something about English being his second language. “You just have to think about one guy. I have to think about all the other people too. To me it’s ok. I respect you as a woman, I respect you as a person. … Am I gonna die right now? No. Is it sad? Yes.” Dude. You are not endearing yourself to anyone right now. Andi says he doesn’t even know who she is. “Everything’s always, ‘It’s ok.’ I feel like I’m going to die if I hear ‘It’s ok’ again.” JP: “What do you want me to do? Honestly? It doesn’t make me feel good.”

She asks him how he feels about how the fantasy suite went. He says he thought it went well. She asks him about bringing up the fantasy suite night with Clare. “Do you think that’s offensive?” JP: “I’m honest. Is that offensive? You know there’s three overnights.” Andi: “Right. Which is why I don’t need you to tell me that.” Andi brings things up that hurt her. They argue. This isn’t ending well.

They’re still arguing about whether or not he said she was still there “by default”. JP: “That word doesn’t come out of my mouth ever. I don’t know that word.” Andi says that he doesn’t know anything about her: what religion she practices, what her political views are, her views on social issues, important things. See? I like her. She has her priorities straight. Notice she didn’t say anything about her fashion choices or what spa is her favourite one. These two do not belong together. I feel bad for Juan Pablo because I don’t think he realizes most of these things, the way he treats women. I’m glad Andi has the balls to stick up for herself. JP admits he doesn’t know the answer to all her questions. Andi: “I’ve never been with someone who has asked so little about myself, and when I have stories, you immediately have another story.” I think JP does take this process seriously, but he’s just ignorant to some of the things he’s doing wrong. He’s just not aware of them. He’s not trying to be an ass, he just doesn’t realize he’s being one. Andi: “Don’t say ‘It’s ok’ ever again.” JP: “Ai, Andi. I appreciate your honesty 100%.”

JP: “Am I disappointed? Yes. Andi had it all. I love the way she talked to me, I loved the way we could be quiet. If Andi had just come to me and said, ‘Juan Pablo, listen. I thought about it and I just don’t feel this is going to happen.’ I would have been crushed, I would have been sad. Like, very sad. But the arguments, just disappoint me right away. She’s a lawyer. I’m not gonna argue with a lawyer. Putting words in my mouth, that just killed it.”

Andi: “He doesn’t get it. He never will, though. He doesn’t see it. … There’s a huge difference between sincere and being offensive. … Going through this and getting this close makes me think about if I’m ever going to have love? Are my standards too high that I’m just not going to see it?”

I feel bad for Juan Pablo. Andi was hard on him. But I feel bad for Andi because no woman should ever have to hear about her partner’s previous (or current, if we’re talking about the bachelor) conquests.

JP is shocked that Andi went home. “It’s ok.” I get what he means when he says that. Andi: “I think right now Juan Pablo is probably saying, ‘It’s ok.’” But I also get where she’s coming from.

Clare and Nikki are met at their limos by Chris, who walks them up to the rose ceremony platform. Oy, the two of them together in the house as the last ones left? Brutal. They hate each other! This should be interesting. Chris stands in front of them, greets them, and informs them that “Andi is no longer here.” They’re confused. “It’s now just the two of you. Something obviously happened, but you need to hear that from Juan Pablo and not me.”

Nikki is teary. She wants to know what happened. Juan Pablo says he talked to Andi and that she didn’t have strong feelings for him and that she wanted to go home. He says he’s hurt, but there’s nothing he can do about it. I think he’s learned a lot in this process. Ai, Juan Pablo! “There are two roses here and there are two of you. Obviously if you feel that you don’t think I am the person for you, then say it. It’s not a problem. I will understand. Ok?” He picks up the first rose and gives it to Nikki. She accepts. He picks up the second one and offers it to Clare. She accepts as well.

Clare says that she and Nikki are completely different women. Nikki toasts to still being there and looking forward to what’s to come.

Next week! Reunion show. Women tell all. “If you think you’ve heard it all, think again. It’s the Women Tell All like you’ve never seen it before.” You say that every time, Chris! And in two weeks it’s the finale! The girls talk to JP’s parents. His dad says he’s not a very easy guy. His mom says that sometimes he can be kind of rude. I’m sure they say lots of nice things about him, too, but obviously they have to preview the drama. “It’s the Bachelor finale that no one will see coming.”

Credits! Juan Pablo is walking along the ocean. Lots of wildlife. Nothing funny. Poor guy. I think he truly doesn’t realize some things about himself, but at the same time, I think he’d work really well with an easy-going woman who knows that he can be kind of an ass, but that he doesn’t realize it and needs to be told so he can learn how to not be an ass. I don’t think he’s a hopeless case. I just think he needs a reality check. No pun intended.

I can’t wait for next week. Though I guess it will probably be the worst for Juan Pablo.